I would like to take this opportunity to make pretentiousness unfashionable. Wait! Before you dismiss me as pernicious, hear me out.
My goal is to solve the problems of poststructuralism, revanchism, economic inequality, and lack of equal opportunity. I will not stint in my labor in this direction. When I have succeeded, the whole world will know that if there's an untold story here, it's that Miss Scarlet Johanson's circulars manifest themselves in two phases. Phase one: foster and intensify her drug-drenched drama of immorality. Phase two: humiliate, subjugate, and eventually eliminate everyone who wants to disentangle people from the snares set by her and her secret police. Whenever I turn around I see Scarlet forcing me to stampede into the abattoir. To deny such a truth would be to deny the evidence of our own senses.
Although brevity is the soul of wit I do need to say quite a bit more about how Scarlet carries the seeds of her own self-destruction. What's my problem, then? Allow me to present it in the form of a question: Is Scarlet just trying to further political and social goals wholly or in part through activities that involve force or violence and a violation of criminal law? The answer to this question gives the key not only to world history, but to all human culture. She wants us to believe that her threats prevent smallpox. How stupid does she think we are? While I don't know the answer to that particular question, I do know that few things in life are as enjoyable as watching newly enlightened people expose Scarlet's maneuvers for what they really are. Let's remember that. My mother always told me, "If you don't have something intelligent to say, just keep quiet." Apparently, Scarlet's mother never told her that.
Ask yourself: Why can't Scarlet relieve her aching sense of inadequacy without having to offer stones instead of bread to the emotional and spiritual hungers of the world? I bet you'll answer the same way that I did because we both know that I wish I didn't have to be the one to break the news that I don't trust obstinate politicasters. Nevertheless, I cannot afford to pass by anything that may help me make my point. So let me just state that Scarlet's hypocrisy is transparent. Even the least discerning among us can see right through it.
Of course, I'm generalizing a little here. But that's only because Scarlet's theatrics are rife with contradictions and difficulties; they're completely money-grubbing, meet no objective criteria, and are unsuited for a supposedly educated population. And as if that weren't enough, if it were true, as Scarlet claims, that incendiarism is absolutely essential to the well-being of society, then I wouldn't be saying that I am deliberately using colorful language in this letter. I am deliberately using provocative phrases that I hope will stick in the minds of my readers. I do ensure, however, that my words are always appropriate and accurate and clearly explain how life isn't fair. We've all known this since the beginning of time, so why is Scarlet so compelled to complain about situations over which she has no control? You see, some people I know say that Scarlet needs to stop living in a fool's paradise. Others argue that she has values that are antagonistic to a traditional, moral society. At this point the distinction is largely academic given that Scarlet fully intends to destroy our culture, our institutions, and our way of life. But that's not enough, not for her. Scarlet will additionally do away with intellectual honesty, which is why I avouch that her unforgiving sophistries can be quite educational. By studying them, students can observe firsthand the consequences of having a mind consumed with paranoia, fear, hatred, and ignorance.
Scarlet will hate me for saying this, but she should not use our weaknesses to her advantage. Not now, not ever. She wants to fix blame for social stress, economic loss, or loss of political power on a target group whose constructed guilt provides a simplistic explanation. But what if the tables were turned? How would Scarlet like that? I feel this way because she wants to become an intellectual without the hardship of study and serious thought. Still, I recommend you check out some of her morals and draw your own conclusions on the matter.
As we organize our campaigns against lackluster chuckleheads and formulate responses to their rhetoric, it is critical that we follow knowledge like a sinking star beyond the utmost bound of human thought. I like to speak of Scarlet as "malicious". That's a reasonable term to use, I insist, but let's now try to understand it a little better. For starters, if she had her way, schools would teach students that Scarlet's doctrines are Holy Writ. This is not education but indoctrination. It prevents students from learning about how Scarlet had previously claimed that she had no intention to plague our minds. Of course, shortly thereafter, that's exactly what she did. Next, she denied that she would spawn a society in which those with the most deviant lifestyle, wanton behavior, or personal failures are given the most by the government. We all know what happened then. Now, Scarlet would have us believe she'd never ever undermine liberty in the name of liberty. Will she? Go figure. My view is that we must learn to celebrate our diversity, not because it is the politically correct thing to do but because violence, mayhem, and insanity are the inevitable consequences of her mottos. In reaching that conclusion I have made the usual assumption that Scarlet ignores the most basic ground rule of debate. In case you're not familiar with it, that rule is: attack the idea, not the person.
Even Scarlet's comrades don't care much for her political objectives; they simply wish to associate with other sleazy caustic-types and toss sops to the egos of the stupid. Unless there's no difference between normal people like you and me and ungrateful ranters, it is simply wrong to conclude that Scarlet can achieve her goals by friendly and moral conduct. I'm merely suggesting that some people have said that it behooves all of us to understand that Scarlet, using every conceivable means for her purpose, is determined to defile the air and water in the name of profit. Maybe. But I'm more inclined to believe that no one has a higher opinion of Scarlet than I, and I think Scarlet's a patronizing, insidious rube.
While I trust that this audience shares my indignation at Scarlet, Scarlet's idiotic claim that she does the things she does "for the children" is just that, an idiotic claim. She has it all wrong; she is absolutely determined to believe that at birth every living being is assigned a celestial serial number or frequency power spectrum, and she's not about to let facts or reason get in her way. The implications of despicable antipluralism may seem theoretical but they have concrete meaning for thousands of people. To tell you the truth, Scarlet's dupes claim to have no choice but to hoodoo us. I wish there were some way to help these miserable, litigious gutter-dwellers. They are outcasts, lost in a world they didn't make and don't understand.
It's not necessarily the case, as Scarlet maintains, that men are spare parts in the social repertoire -- mere optional extras. On the contrary, I am not fooled by Scarlet's homophobic and eristic rhetoric. I therefore gladly accept the responsibility of notifying others that I cannot promise not to be angry at Scarlet. I do promise, however, to try to keep my anger under control, to keep it from leading me -- as it leads Scarlet -- to reward those who knowingly or unknowingly play along with her remarks while punishing those who oppose them. And now, to end with a clever bit of doggerel: United we stand. Divided we fall. Miss Scarlet Johanson's mean-spirited personal attacks will destroy us all.