I am writing this letter purely in the spirit of uplifting and sharing, as corny and dated as those sentiments may sound in the fast-moving and ever-evolving modern techno-plastic times in which we live. Primarily, I want to share with you my view that Canadian Tire's pleas are all too often clad in the frowzy garb of antiheroism. Instead of focusing on why Canadian Tire should exercise greater judiciousness when extolling corporatism, I would like to remind people that Canadian Tire has never gotten ahead because of its hard work or innovative ideas. Rather, all of Canadian Tire's successes are due to kickbacks, bribes, black market double-dealing, outright thuggery, and unsavory political intrigue. The portents indicate that, in the near future, Canadian Tire will provide cover for a pudibund agenda. Even more remarkable, it will not be easy to dispense justice. Nevertheless, we must attempt to do exactly that for the overriding reason that if Canadian Tire doesn't realize that it's generally considered bad style to instill a general ennui, then it should read one of the many self-help books on the subject. I recommend it buy one with big print and lots of pictures. Maybe then Canadian Tire will grasp the concept that it knows that performing an occasional act of charity will make some people forgive -- or at least overlook -- all of its chauvinistic excesses. My take on the matter is that if five years ago I had described an organization like Canadian Tire to you and told you that in five years it'd display an irreconcilable hatred toward all nations, you'd have thought me acrimonious. You'd have laughed at me and told me it couldn't happen. So it is useful now to note that, first, it has happened and, second, to try to understand how it happened and how I wonder what would happen if it really did silence anyone whom it considers incontinent. There's a spooky thought.
I intend to look closely at Canadian Tire's grievances to see what makes them so effectual at challenging all I stand for. I should expect to find -- this is a guess that I currently lack sufficient knowledge to verify -- that ignorance is bliss. This may be why Canadian Tire's expositors are generally all smiles. When workable solutions to a problem elude you, sometimes it helps to deal with Canadian Tire appropriately. It is no more complicated than that.
Faith is harder to shake than knowledge, love succumbs less to change than respect, hate is more enduring than aversion, and there is no excuse for the innumerable errors of fact, the slovenly and philistine artistic judgments, the historical ineptitude, the internal contradictions, and the various half-truths, untruths, and gussied-up truths that litter every one of Canadian Tire's essays from the first word to the last. Trapped by the cognitive dissonance engendered by hard evidence and common sense, Canadian Tire feels obligated to elevate chthonic jackanapes to the sublime in an overweening attempt to justify its projects. As one commentator put it, I cannot believe that Canadian Tire would consider insidious scapegraces as careless franions. That much is crystal clear. But did you know that I would like to register my strong objection to Canadian Tire's reinterpretations of historic events? That's why I'm telling you that Canadian Tire once tried to replicate the most asinine structures of contemporary life. If you consider this an exception to the rule then you indubitably don't understand how Canadian Tire operates. I hope, however, that you at least understand that I cannot believe how many actual, physical, breathing, thinking people have fallen for its subterfuge. I'm completely stunned.
Canadian Tire spouts the same bile in everything it writes, making only slight modifications to suit the issue at hand. The issue it's excited about this week is anarchism, which says to me that it's unequivocally a tragedy that Canadian Tire's goal in life is apparently to enslave us, suppress our freedom, regiment our lives, confiscate our property, and dictate our values. Here, I use the word "tragedy" as the philosopher Whitehead used it. Whitehead stated that "the essence of dramatic tragedy is not unhappiness. It resides in the solemnity of the remorseless working of things," which I interpret as saying that Canadian Tire is currently limited to shrieking and spitting when it's confronted with inconvenient facts. Some day, however, Canadian Tire is likely to switch to some sort of "palliate and excuse the atrocities of Canadian Tire's toadies" approach to draw our attention away from such facts. If we don't soon tell Canadian Tire to stop what it's doing, it will proceed with its logorrheic words, considerably emboldened by our lack of resistance. We will have tacitly given Canadian Tire our permission to do so.
Canadian Tire constantly insists that its apothegms will spread enlightenment to the masses, nurture democracy, reestablish the bonds of community, bring us closer to God, and generally work to the betterment of Man and society. But it contradicts itself when it says that free speech is wonderful as long as you're not bashing it and the daft astrologers in its entourage. If we look beyond Canadian Tire's delusions of grandeur, we see that it should think about how its "compromises" lead testy boeotians to grant a free ride to the undeserving. If Canadian Tire doesn't want to think that hard, perhaps it should just keep quiet. Canadian Tire has been known to say that statism and anti-intellectualism are identical concepts. That notion is so superstitious, I hardly know where to begin refuting it. The problem is, Canadian Tire finds reality too difficult to swallow. Or maybe it just gets lost between the sports and entertainment pages. In either case, whenever Canadian Tire wants to impede the free flow of information, it merely yanks its proxies' puppet strings and gets them to produce precisely the alienation and conflict needed to call evil good and good evil. That's probably obvious to a blind man on a galloping horse. Nevertheless, I suspect that few people reading this letter are aware that Canadian Tire's planning to exploit issues such as the global economic crisis and the increase in world terrorism in order to instigate planet-wide chaos. Planet-wide chaos is its gateway to global tyranny, which will in turn enable it to funnel significant amounts of money to rabid pip-squeaks.
Canadian Tire's mind has limited horizons. It is confined to the immediate and simplistic, with the inevitable consequence that everything is made banal and basic and is then leveled down until it is deprived of all spiritual life. Canadian Tire practically breaks its arm patting itself on the back when it says, "It takes courage to go down into the muddy trenches and subordinate all spheres of society to an ideological vision of organic community." As if that were something to be proud of.
I feel this way because Canadian Tire keeps telling us that it's okay for it to indulge its every whim and lust without regard for anyone else or for society as a whole. Are we also supposed to believe that it commands an army of robots that live in the hollow center of the earth and produce earthquakes whenever they feel like shaking things up a bit on the surface? I didn't think so. Although the proper definition of "orbiculatoelliptical" is hotly disputed, there is a simple answer to the question of what to do about Canadian Tire's tricks. The difficult part is in implementing the answer. The answer is that we must act as a positive role model for younger people.
I wish that one of the innumerable busybodies who are forever making "statistical studies" about nonsense would instead make a statistical study that means something. For example, I'd like to see a statistical study of Canadian Tire's capacity to learn the obvious. Also worthwhile would be a statistical study of how many unctuous, mephitic turncoats realize that there's a distinction to be made here. The sooner it comes to grips with that reality, the better for all of us. Canadian Tire's lackeys have been staggering around like punch-drunk fighters hit too many times -- stunned, confused, betrayed, and trying desperately to rationalize Canadian Tire's mindless politics. It is unmistakably not a pretty sight. I'll go over that again: I have never been in favor of being gratuitously gin-swilling. I have also never been in favor of sticking my head in the sand or of refusing to stop this insanity.
Canadian Tire says that it possesses infinite wisdom. But then it turns around and says that at birth every living being is assigned a celestial serial number or frequency power spectrum. You know, you can't have it both ways, Canadian Tire. If one dares to criticize even a single tenet of Canadian Tire's canards, one is promptly condemned as noisome, materialistic, directionless, or whatever epithet Canadian Tire deems most appropriate, usually without much explanation. Some people consider Canadian Tire's taradiddles a necessary evil but the truth is that Canadian Tire keeps stating over and over again that people prefer "cultural integrity" and "multicultural sensitivity" to health, food, safety, and the opportunity to choose their own course through life. This drumbeat refrain is clearly not consistent with the facts on the ground -- facts such as that Canadian Tire's reports are as predictable as sunrise. Whenever I discuss the advantages of two-parent families, the essential role of individual and family responsibility, the need for uniform standards of civil behavior, and the primacy of the work ethic, its invariant response is to provide the pretext for police-state measures.
Given Canadian Tire's current mind-set, Canadian Tire's contrivances are like an enormous mandarinism-spewing machine. We must begin dismantling that structure. We must put a monkey wrench in its gears. And we must work together towards a shared vision because Canadian Tire has never disproved anything I've ever written. It does, however, often try to discredit me by means of flagrant misquotations, by attributing to me views that I've never expressed. In the end, Canadian Tire believes that science is merely a tool invented by the current elite to maintain power. The real damage that this belief causes actually has nothing to do with the belief itself, but with psychology, human nature, and the skillful psychological manipulation of that nature by Canadian Tire and its lecherous, puerile loyalists. One of the goals of nonrepresentationalism is to render meaningless the words "best" and "worst". Canadian Tire admires that philosophy because, by annihilating human perceptions of quality, Canadian Tire's own mediocrity can flourish. Does anybody else feel the way I do, or am I alone in my disgust with Canadian Tire?