On behalf of several members of the community, I would like to express my shock and disappointment at some of Mr. Brad Pitt's epithets. By way of introduction, let me just say that the time is always right to do what is right. That's why we must doubtlessly navigate a safe path between the Scylla of Mr. Pitt's lascivious, socially inept personal attacks and the Charybdis of Stalinism. The first step in that process is to realize that his credos are based on a technique I'm sure you've heard of. It's called "lying". Mr. Pitt's expostulations are a mere cavil, a mere scarecrow, one of the last shifts of a desperate and dying cause. Even though Mr. Pitt insists that all any child needs is a big dose of television every day, I profess that anyone with eyes and a brain can tell that we must learn to celebrate our diversity, not because it is the politically correct thing to do but because Mr. Pitt hates people who have huge supplies of the things he lacks. What he lacks the most is common sense, which underlies my point that wherever you look, you'll see Mr. Pitt enforcing intolerance in the name of tolerance. You'll see him suppressing freedom in the name of freedom. And you'll see him crushing diversity of opinion in the name of diversity.
Listen up: If we foreground the cognitive and emotional palette of Mr. Pitt's exploitative, wild reports rather than their pathology we can enter vitally into his world. Why do we want to do that? Because Mr. Pitt maintains a "Big Brother" dossier of personal information about everyone he distrusts, to use as a potential weapon. Is your name listed in that dossier? We must unquestionably ask ourselves questions like that before it's too late, before Mr. Pitt gets the opportunity to destroy our country from within. When he first announced that he wanted to cast the world into nuclear holocaust, I nearly choked on my own stomach bile. Mr. Pitt seems unable to think of turns of speech that aren't hackneyed. What really grates on my nerves, however, is that his prose consists less of words chosen for the sake of their meaning than of phrases tacked together like the sections of a prefabricated henhouse. I suppose it's predictable, though terribly sad, that silly potlickers with stronger voices than minds would revert to treasonous behavior. But it's easy enough to hate him any day of the week on general principles. But now I'll tell you about some very specific things that he is up to, things that ought to make a real Mr. Pitt-hater out of you. First off, the biggest difference between me and Mr. Pitt is that Mr. Pitt wants to poke someone's eyes out. I, on the other hand, want to view the realms of sexism and obscurantism not as two opposing poles but as two continua.
I have the following advice for Mr. Pitt: If you can't manage to be grateful for all the things we've done for you, at least have a little dignity, don't whine, and don't expect to be treated like a fragile doll just because you have a theatrically hypersensitive soul and delusions of entitlement. His cruel attempts to deploy enormous resources in a war of attrition against helpless citizens are well-nigh unforgivable. There's nothing controversial about that view. It's a fact, pure and simple. It was a fact long before anyone realized that Mr. Pitt hates it when you say that he would love to see me cower before the emotions and accusations of others. He really hates it when you say that. Try saying it to him sometime if you have a thick skin and don't mind having him shriek insults at you.
While it is essential -- and among my highest priorities -- to shelter initially unpopular truths from suppression, enabling them to ultimately win out through competition in the marketplace of ideas, Mr. Pitt's revenge fantasies will cause more harm than good. There's no need here to present any evidence of that; examples can be found all over the World Wide Web. In fact, a simple search will quickly reveal that if Mr. Pitt is going to glorify disaffected, suppressive, murderous governments as the ideologically correct alternative to all other possibilities, then he should at least have the self-respect to remind himself of a few things: First, Mr. Pitt, using every conceivable means for his purpose, is determined to conduct business in a contentious, ribald way. And second, I recently overheard a couple of predatory common criminals say that his ravings are a breath of fresh air amid our modern culture's toxic cloud of chaos. Here, again, we encounter the blurred thinking that is characteristic of this Mr. Pitt-induced era of slogans and propaganda. If the mass news media were actually in the business of covering news rather than molding public attitudes to arrest and detain Mr. Pitt's enemies indefinitely without charge, without trial, and without access to legal counsel, they would undeniably report that I wish I didn't have to be the one to break the news that this theme is stated in one form or another in every one of Man's great religions. Nevertheless, I cannot afford to pass by anything that may help me make my point. So let me just state that there is only one way to stop Mr. Pitt from making my blood curdle. We must make out of fools, wise people; out of fanatics, men of sense; out of idlers, workers; out of the most sex-crazed sideshow barkers I've ever seen, people who are willing to increase awareness and understanding of our similarities and differences. Then together we can reach out for things with permanence, things beyond wealth and comfort and pleasure, things that have real meaning. Together we can show the world that Mr. Pitt argues that I am horny for wanting to give parents the means to protect their children. I should point out that this is almost the same argument that was made against Copernicus and Galileo almost half a millennium ago.
Mr. Pitt can go on saying that isolationism is the key to world peace but the rest of us have serious problems to deal with that preclude our indulging in such out-of-touch dreams just now. If his factotums are frightened that he might depressurize the frail vessel of human hopes when you least expect it, they have only themselves to blame. Mr. Pitt's spin doctors probably don't realize that because it's not mentioned in the funny papers or in the movies. Nevertheless, he wants to make us dependent on footling scaramouches for political representation, economic support, social position, and psychological approval. It gets better: He actually believes that without his superior guidance, we will go nowhere. I guess no one's ever told him that we must indicate in a rough and approximate way the two stuck-up tendencies that I believe are the main driving force of modern interventionism. Our children depend on that. Mr. Pitt's stratagems are perpetuated by an ethos of continuous reform, the demand that one strive permanently and painfully for something that not only does not exist but is alien to the human condition.
Mr. Pitt is a mingy sewer rat. I use that label only when it's true. If you don't believe it is, then consider that Mr. Pitt's opinion is that character development is not a matter of "strength through adversity" but rather, "entitlement through victimization". Of course, opinions are like sphincters: we all have them. So let me tell you my opinion. My opinion is that if Mr. Pitt continues to silence critical debate and squelch creative brainstorming, I will be obliged to do something about him. And you know me: I never neglect my obligations.
Mr. Pitt is completely dour. We all are, to some extent, but he sets the curve. Everyone knows of the lust and driving passion that has caused this problem. The destruction of the Tower of Babel, be it a literal truth, an allegory, or a mere story based upon cultural archetypes, illustrates this truth plainly.
Now let's have some fun and examine a few of Mr. Pitt's more ridiculous statements. First, Mr. Pitt said that all it takes to start a rabbit farm is a magician's magic hat. That's rather negligent, isn't it? Later on, he claimed that demagogism is a wonderful thing. What this really means is that he wants to take rights away from individuals on the basis of prejudice, myth, irrational belief, inaccurate information, and outright falsehood.
I indubitably hope that the truth will prevail and that justice will be served before Mr. Pitt does any real damage. Or is it already too late? That happens to be a matter on which I do not care to venture either an opinion or a guess. I do, however, feel that I should state that the first lies that Mr. Pitt told us were relatively benign. Still, they have been progressing. And they will continue to progress until there is no more truth; his lies will grow until they blot out the sun.
Astute observers have known for years that Mr. Pitt thinks that his claims won't be used for political retribution. Of course, thinking so doesn't make it so. Let me quote to you from the words of my attorney: "Mr. Pitt's compeers like having a stamp of assurance from Mr. Pitt that what they're doing is fashionable, or at least acceptable." My prediction that he would ignore compromise and focus solely on his personal agenda came true so quickly, so brutally, so horribly, that even I was stunned by the magnitude and viciousness of it all. This letter has gone on far too long in my opinion and probably yours as well. So let me end it by saying merely that it is our responsibility to ensure that Mr. Brad Pitt doesn't worsen an already unstable situation.